It's hard to let go of someone you love. Damn near impossible.
I think about this daily. The moments with him that were amazing and life affirming, the moments that made me feel like I was repeatedly running head first into a wall and I wonder where things went so wrong. Two people who loved each other, but were so damaged they couldn't have faith in one another? There's almost no way anything healthy could come from that. We spent years running to and away from each other, and now after he's run away from Phoenix, I'm leaving knowing that no matter where I go and what I do, he'll always be in my heart. The notion (no matter how silly it might be) that someday things might work out will always be in the back of my mind. He was my first love, and I thank him for that. He taught me to love fearlessly, which is something I never had the courage to do with him. While the mistakes I made are painful and wear heavy on my soul, he taught me how not to make those same mistakes again. And I never will.
Maybe it's the unwittingly hopeful part of me, but I firmly believe that we'll get another chance someday. And when that day comes, I promise to grab the life I desire with both hands. You gave me that courage.