In my journey to achieve my personal, creative, and professional aspirations, I've gained a lot along the way. I've learned so much about myself and it's been really rewarding. That being said, I've managed to lose a lot as well. Fears and flaws that I've found crippling and scary have started to fall away. While I'm proud of myself for what I have accomplished thus far and I hope to accomplish in the future, it's bittersweet to think about the people in my life who have become shallow memories in my life. Silly nostalgias are all I have left of these people.
One person in particular became one of my best friends in a very short time. When I was going through a difficult time personally, he was there, waiting to catch me. I guess I should have done a deeper analysis of him, noticing the inconsistencies in his demeanor. He explicitly stated disengaging from relationships with people when he knows he or they are going away. It should have been so much more apparent to me. He wants to be a superhero. He wants to be the knight in shining armor. Our friendship hit the rocks when I wouldn't let him play that role in my life.
Now that I've learned to stand on my own two feet, we no longer exist together as companions. I haven't seen him in months, and multiple texts go unanswered. Honestly, I can't help but be angry at the idea that I'll be cut out of people's lives because I'm forging my own path. This journey is the one I need to take, and I feel as though the notion of the convenience of companionship is insulting and demeaning. Regardless, though, I really miss him and hope that some sort of friendship can be regained before I leave. He was a good friend. Maybe I should write it off as just another asshole, but I just can't. Nor would I want to believe that people can really be that cold.
I just wish people would stop being so scared.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Just a Taste
Oh! Just got some nerdy exciting news. Go here to see some quick shots of my work in the background of Sonoran Living's interview with the very awesome Joseph Aguayo for Verde.
Monday, August 30, 2010
I Am a Bird Now
SO MUCH has transpired over the past couple weeks, this will probably be broken down into a couple different entries. In retrospect, I should have just updated as information made itself available. Live and learn. And probably do it again regardless of what was learned, to be honest.
As of right now, the shows are 95% done. SuTRA was finished hanging this afternoon, and Practical Art goes up tomorrow. I just have one more form to fill out for insurance purposes and send to Practical Art, which will be faxed over first thing in the morning (care of my favorite FedEx/Kinkos pal with the long, shaggy hair) and then the work will be hung tomorrow evening.
I faced a few issues with both venues over the past couple days (not on their respective parts, by any means.) Just the nature of the beast. There was some scheduling confusion with SuTRA that worked itself out, so there are no worries in that regard. I've had a cold for the past few days and have felt really out of it, so bringing the work to Practical Art felt really...odd. I don't quite know how to describe it. Almost like I didn't deserve to be showing there. Not to say that Kara and the other girl whose name I never learned made me feel unwelcome (quite the opposite, actually), but I was already feeling very anxious. Coupling that with the anxiety that comes with opening a show, I felt very uncomfortable.
I received a text from K regarding a couple issues with the show:
a. Typographical error on one of the title cards. SERIOUSLY? Typo? Me? Color me veryfuckingangry at myself. When asked how I'd like her to proceed, I was and am tempted just to have her write in the 'n' (which was left off the end of the word "known"), which I think is the simplest solution.
b. Unstable frame. The single biggest issue that seems to arise with using reclaimed wood as panels is their framing instability. Because the panels typically used to be parts of mass-produced furniture that I salvaged from alley dumpsters, they're often comprised of pressboard or other materials that tend to bend nails and cause me to shout "FUCK!" in the studio. The issue with this piece, however, is a little different. It was a piece of wood I found that already had two piece of wood attached to the top and bottom. I was really drawn to the sort-of shoddy assembly of the panel itself. K's concern was that she doesn't think it will hold up on the wall once it's hung. I told her, if needed, they can nail it directly to the wall. I also told her that, short of setting the work on fire, they can do anything they deem necessary to hang the show. I question whether that was unprofessional on my part (moreover, I'm worried that it came off rather terse), but I really do have a lot of faith in the venues.
These shows both mean a lot to me. Both represent a lot of who I am and where I come from. I'm very proud of the focus that I had in making these shows happen. ALL of the work at Practical Art (and more than 50% of the work at SuTRA) has never been shown and shows a lot of the things I've been experimenting with. The notion of going back to school has been a major factor in my desire to push myself as an artist. There are two sculptural pieces in the show, and I'm so proud of myself for being willing to venture from an avenue of strictly two-dimensional work. Outside of sculpture, there are a few pieces that exhibit strong conceptual themes, as well as work that I hope will blur the dividing line between two-dimensional and three-dimensional.
As far as I'm concerned, the shows are done. I have the opening receptions to contend with, which I'm just trying not to think about. This work is so important to me that I've just started to detach myself from it. I had my ideas and my concepts, I put my heart and soul (and quite a lot of blood, sweat, and tears) in to the work, and now I'm done. I'll do the performing monkey bit and play the character of an artist, but honestly and truly? I fucking hate opening receptions. Not all, of course. Just mine. They drain me and, at the end of the night, I always feel a lot of remorse over what I could have/would have/should have done.
Regardless of anything, I'm just really glad that my dad will get to see the show. While Nonn's been my super creative cheerleader, my dad's been sort of my partner-in-crime. He hooked me up with supplies and really gotten on my ass about getting the work done.
All in all, I'm excited for the receptions, I guess. I'll feel better once I get the insurance form faxed over, I think.
In other art news, I have two more confirmed shows and one tentative show for October. Information will come on those in the coming days, but I'll be at Coe House and The Tire Pit at Longhouse Studios, which is exciting because they're two venues I've never shown at before (and headed up by people that I think are pretty damn fantastic). Feeling very lucky right now. More on non-art aspects of life later. (*scoff* as if THOSE even matter!)
As of right now, the shows are 95% done. SuTRA was finished hanging this afternoon, and Practical Art goes up tomorrow. I just have one more form to fill out for insurance purposes and send to Practical Art, which will be faxed over first thing in the morning (care of my favorite FedEx/Kinkos pal with the long, shaggy hair) and then the work will be hung tomorrow evening.
I faced a few issues with both venues over the past couple days (not on their respective parts, by any means.) Just the nature of the beast. There was some scheduling confusion with SuTRA that worked itself out, so there are no worries in that regard. I've had a cold for the past few days and have felt really out of it, so bringing the work to Practical Art felt really...odd. I don't quite know how to describe it. Almost like I didn't deserve to be showing there. Not to say that Kara and the other girl whose name I never learned made me feel unwelcome (quite the opposite, actually), but I was already feeling very anxious. Coupling that with the anxiety that comes with opening a show, I felt very uncomfortable.
I received a text from K regarding a couple issues with the show:
a. Typographical error on one of the title cards. SERIOUSLY? Typo? Me? Color me veryfuckingangry at myself. When asked how I'd like her to proceed, I was and am tempted just to have her write in the 'n' (which was left off the end of the word "known"), which I think is the simplest solution.
b. Unstable frame. The single biggest issue that seems to arise with using reclaimed wood as panels is their framing instability. Because the panels typically used to be parts of mass-produced furniture that I salvaged from alley dumpsters, they're often comprised of pressboard or other materials that tend to bend nails and cause me to shout "FUCK!" in the studio. The issue with this piece, however, is a little different. It was a piece of wood I found that already had two piece of wood attached to the top and bottom. I was really drawn to the sort-of shoddy assembly of the panel itself. K's concern was that she doesn't think it will hold up on the wall once it's hung. I told her, if needed, they can nail it directly to the wall. I also told her that, short of setting the work on fire, they can do anything they deem necessary to hang the show. I question whether that was unprofessional on my part (moreover, I'm worried that it came off rather terse), but I really do have a lot of faith in the venues.
These shows both mean a lot to me. Both represent a lot of who I am and where I come from. I'm very proud of the focus that I had in making these shows happen. ALL of the work at Practical Art (and more than 50% of the work at SuTRA) has never been shown and shows a lot of the things I've been experimenting with. The notion of going back to school has been a major factor in my desire to push myself as an artist. There are two sculptural pieces in the show, and I'm so proud of myself for being willing to venture from an avenue of strictly two-dimensional work. Outside of sculpture, there are a few pieces that exhibit strong conceptual themes, as well as work that I hope will blur the dividing line between two-dimensional and three-dimensional.
As far as I'm concerned, the shows are done. I have the opening receptions to contend with, which I'm just trying not to think about. This work is so important to me that I've just started to detach myself from it. I had my ideas and my concepts, I put my heart and soul (and quite a lot of blood, sweat, and tears) in to the work, and now I'm done. I'll do the performing monkey bit and play the character of an artist, but honestly and truly? I fucking hate opening receptions. Not all, of course. Just mine. They drain me and, at the end of the night, I always feel a lot of remorse over what I could have/would have/should have done.
Regardless of anything, I'm just really glad that my dad will get to see the show. While Nonn's been my super creative cheerleader, my dad's been sort of my partner-in-crime. He hooked me up with supplies and really gotten on my ass about getting the work done.
All in all, I'm excited for the receptions, I guess. I'll feel better once I get the insurance form faxed over, I think.
In other art news, I have two more confirmed shows and one tentative show for October. Information will come on those in the coming days, but I'll be at Coe House and The Tire Pit at Longhouse Studios, which is exciting because they're two venues I've never shown at before (and headed up by people that I think are pretty damn fantastic). Feeling very lucky right now. More on non-art aspects of life later. (*scoff* as if THOSE even matter!)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Are We There Yet?
I'm at the halfway point for both of the September shows. I was a little concerned over the past couple days that I wouldn't be done in time for hanging, but I did some figuring and I should be fine if I manage my time wisely. I have a three day weekend coming up, which will allow me the opportunity to make a lot of headway and hopefully finish at least one of the show's works. At the point, I'll just need to worry about framing and hanging apparatus.
There was a slight tension in my back and neck that seems to be getting worse, and I'm hoping that it's not due to the long painting sessions I've been having lately. I'm not too worried, but still taking care not to aggravate the situation (at least until my health insurance kicks in in September). It was MUCH worse when I was stressing about everything I need to take care of before I leave, though. School starts in two weeks, and I'm SO excited. I'm taking a full course load, but I'll be cutting my hours at work, so I'm not worried about getting too bogged down. Once these shows are hung with pictures shot, my portfolio will be about 90% complete (save a couple non-show pieces I'm working on in new media.) From that point, it's all paperwork, school, work, and writing this piece for Seven Minutes. Dawn and Nina will be performing with me, which makes me MORE scared, oddly enough. Initially, it was just me, doing a simple solo performance. With my concern that it wouldn't come close to filling the time allotted, I'm adding two more chapters for the ladies, which means more writing (which isn't too big a deal), keeping the original feel of the first piece in mind (which is the part I'm worried about).
I have no doubt I'll be able to do it and do myself justice.
Also: my show at PA is listed on showup.com and that totally freaks me out.
There was a slight tension in my back and neck that seems to be getting worse, and I'm hoping that it's not due to the long painting sessions I've been having lately. I'm not too worried, but still taking care not to aggravate the situation (at least until my health insurance kicks in in September). It was MUCH worse when I was stressing about everything I need to take care of before I leave, though. School starts in two weeks, and I'm SO excited. I'm taking a full course load, but I'll be cutting my hours at work, so I'm not worried about getting too bogged down. Once these shows are hung with pictures shot, my portfolio will be about 90% complete (save a couple non-show pieces I'm working on in new media.) From that point, it's all paperwork, school, work, and writing this piece for Seven Minutes. Dawn and Nina will be performing with me, which makes me MORE scared, oddly enough. Initially, it was just me, doing a simple solo performance. With my concern that it wouldn't come close to filling the time allotted, I'm adding two more chapters for the ladies, which means more writing (which isn't too big a deal), keeping the original feel of the first piece in mind (which is the part I'm worried about).
I have no doubt I'll be able to do it and do myself justice.
Also: my show at PA is listed on showup.com and that totally freaks me out.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
My Story
Sometimes We Cock Our Heads to The Side So They Think We Have Secrets to Tell
September 1-September 30
SuTRA Midtown
2317 N. 7th St.
Opening Reception: Friday, September 3rd 6p-10p
"Sometimes We Cock Our Heads to The Side So They Think We Have Secrets to Tell" is a series inspired by words never said. It focuses on the dreams, desires, and feelings that we let go of in order to maintain a well-crafted persona and the transparency of secrets for those who take the time to look. Utilizing reclaimed materials and local personalities as inspiration, "Sometimes..." doesn't analyze the words so much as the spaces between the words in a way that highlights nonverbal communication. As the age old adage goes: "It's not what you say, it's what you don't say."
Coming Home Again
September 1-September 30
Practical Art
5070 North Central Avenue
Opening Reception: Friday, September 3rd 6p-10p
"Coming Home Again" features abstract interpretations of home and the emotions surrounding home. It is a question of what "home" is in the literal sense of the word, as well as a study on the emotional impact of one's search for that place to call their own. "Coming Home Again" is about the journey of finding your place in the world.
September 1-September 30
SuTRA Midtown
2317 N. 7th St.
Opening Reception: Friday, September 3rd 6p-10p
"Sometimes We Cock Our Heads to The Side So They Think We Have Secrets to Tell" is a series inspired by words never said. It focuses on the dreams, desires, and feelings that we let go of in order to maintain a well-crafted persona and the transparency of secrets for those who take the time to look. Utilizing reclaimed materials and local personalities as inspiration, "Sometimes..." doesn't analyze the words so much as the spaces between the words in a way that highlights nonverbal communication. As the age old adage goes: "It's not what you say, it's what you don't say."
Coming Home Again
September 1-September 30
Practical Art
5070 North Central Avenue
Opening Reception: Friday, September 3rd 6p-10p
"Coming Home Again" features abstract interpretations of home and the emotions surrounding home. It is a question of what "home" is in the literal sense of the word, as well as a study on the emotional impact of one's search for that place to call their own. "Coming Home Again" is about the journey of finding your place in the world.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
You Were Just a Lightning Bug
I'm waiting for lightning.
Financial aid is in order. Classes start in just a couple of weeks now, and I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Regarding my...feelings yesterday, they haven't changed. I, however, have. I look back fondly on the things and people that have happened to my life, and while I regret things I never had the courage to do, the opportunities of which have since passed me by for better things, I can't look back. The decisions I've made in my life thus far are mine, for better or for worse. This is the start of a new adventure. While I lost the chance for an adventure with him, I owe it to myself not to lose this chance now. Maybe I'll win, maybe I'll lose. Maybe I'll explode into a thousand bits of confetti, maybe I'll burst into flames.
If I never try, then I've already lost. If bittersweet memories are all I have of Phoenix, then I guess I owe myself the pursuit of something brighter. Something fresh. Something green and new, just like me.
I'll miss you, but I'll never forget you.
Financial aid is in order. Classes start in just a couple of weeks now, and I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Regarding my...feelings yesterday, they haven't changed. I, however, have. I look back fondly on the things and people that have happened to my life, and while I regret things I never had the courage to do, the opportunities of which have since passed me by for better things, I can't look back. The decisions I've made in my life thus far are mine, for better or for worse. This is the start of a new adventure. While I lost the chance for an adventure with him, I owe it to myself not to lose this chance now. Maybe I'll win, maybe I'll lose. Maybe I'll explode into a thousand bits of confetti, maybe I'll burst into flames.
If I never try, then I've already lost. If bittersweet memories are all I have of Phoenix, then I guess I owe myself the pursuit of something brighter. Something fresh. Something green and new, just like me.
I'll miss you, but I'll never forget you.
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